NEWS FROM SCOTLAND
Reports by Joe Murphy
Margaret and I attended the Scottish Homing Union Show held in Lawrie & Symington Market in Lanark. This is an excellent venue for the show with plenty of car parking areas and a lovely venue with large hall for the show birds and a restaurant, tea rooms and a bar all day - what more could you ask for? There was a good turnout of fanciers from all over with lads from Aberdeen and fanciers from Hartlepool. There was a good selection of stands selling their goods and a small auction was held in aid of the SHU funds with birds from last year’s judges.
The standard in the classes was excellent with the Best in Show being won by that successful partnership of John & Alice Bell with K Young of the K Young & Daughter & L Smith of Ayrshire winner of the Best Racer in the show. Also at the show was the presentation of the main Scottish Homing Union trophies for the 2013. These were presented by the main guest John Lambie, the retired manager of Partick Thistle Football Club. John was also a top class pigeon man and used to take his football team to Blackpool every year for a change of scenery and a break from the Scottish weather (he of course could attend the Show of the Year after the training was done).
SHU President Alice & John Bell winners of BIS with Gareth Rankin
John presented the Dewar Trophy for the best performances by an old bird during 2013. This was won by Jock & Isabel Alston from Ravenstruther. Their blue cock won 79th section E from Newbury a distance of 313 miles; he then won 4th section E 26th open Alencon flying 526 miles, then he won 1st section E 2nd open Clermont a distance of 508 miles.
Runner up to the Dewar Trophy was the Dunfermline partnership of George & Brian Hunter whose chequer hen ‘Kingdom Anna’ won 6th open Ancenis 609 miles and 85th open Clermont 524 miles.
The Ogilvie Trophy for the best individual performance was won by John Duthie of Dundee with his Gold Cup winner flying 572 miles; he won 1st section C 1st open SNFC Alencon.
The Mr & Mrs Murphy Trophy for the performance champion young bird was won by Dougie Bald of Balerno (see last week’s article about her wins).
The Celtic Cup for the outstanding performances up to 300 miles was won by Tommy Blair of Stirling who won 1st & 2nd open SNFC Maidstone.
The Unikon Trophy for the outstanding performance by a young bird was won by Angus Orr & son of Falkirk.
The British Homing World Trophy for the lowest winning velocity in Channel racing was won by Derek Hay of Kirkintilloch.
The Scotland’s Own Fancier of the Year Trophy winning the Ina Renwick Memorial Trophy was presented by her son Dale Renwick to this year’s winner Angus Simpson of Lauder.
The Annie Ross Bowes Memorial Trophy for the fancier and sportsman of the year was awarded posthumously to the late George Kelly past SHU President.
Congratulations to all the above winners and I look forward to attending this show again next year.
John Lambie presents the Dewar Whisky Trophy to Jock Alston
Brian & George Hunter of Dunfermline receive the Dewar Trophy Runner Up Trophy
Angus Orr and Son receive Unikon trophy from John Lambie
Dougie Bald receives the Mr & Mrs Murphy trophy from John Lambie
Heidi Louise and Andrew Eddie receive the A R Bowes trophy
John Duthie of Dundee wins the Ogilvie Trophy
John Lambie presents Celtic Cup to Tam Blair of Stirling
Dale Renwick presents Fancier of the year trophy to Angus Simpson of Lauder
John Lambie presents Derek Hay with BHW Trophy
Best Racer SHU Show K Young of K Young Daughter & L Smith of Ayrshire
Joe’s Joke
A man wanted to get married but he was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of £5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first gets a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much; again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market and she earns several times the £5,000 so she gives him back his £5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he had given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
The Husband Store
A new store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor; however you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs...
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Like Children...
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Good Jobs, Love Children, and are Extremely Good Looking...
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Very Good Jobs, Love Children, are Extremely Good Looking and Help With Most Housework...
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Exceptional Jobs that pay them very well, they Love Children, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with all the Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and they are 100% Faithful.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 18,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Please Exit to the right to make room for more unreasonable shoppers.
(Scroll down and keep reading!)
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. Similar instructions are posted at the entrance of this store as well.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have their own money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Please continue to keep the news flowing; to Joe Murphy Mystical Rose Cottage 2 Flutorum Avenue Thornton by Kirkcaldy KY1 4BD or phone 01592 770331 or to my NEW EMAIL ADDRESS at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. REMEMBER THE J IN THE MIDDLE.